Using insults, people begin telling about their sorrows
Suppose you’re walking down the street and a stranger calls you a “stupid”. Your actions … Can it be followed by a boyish response, “Did you call me stupid? Hey, who are you to call me so?” A civilized response, “I am sorry, do I know you?” Psychological torments, “Why did he call me stupid? Maybe, I am really stupid? But I am not stupid…”
But all these reactions are wrong. Because what this man said has absolutely nothing to do with you. It refers only to the teller, his mental state, perhaps sufferings and the pain with which he has and is living, with some failures and distresses of his life. You’re just a passerby, who has fallen under his “wrist,” it was convenient for him to unload his distress on you. Consequently, here, there can be two types of counteraction: to smile and move on if you’re an ordinary mortal. And offer your help if you are Mother Teresa or someone like she.
And whether you are stupid or smart, only you know about it. Just the way you know better whether you are evil, kind, fat, skinny, a specialist, loving, sick, healthy, and so on. It is certainly wrong not to consider someone else’s opinion. We are social beings, and if someone, for example, has decided to wipe his dirty hands on the white curtain, he should know that many people may not like it. But no one should be given the opportunity to direct our behavior, thoughts and keeping us dependent with his characterizations or labeling. And I should not also do the same to others, even in the case if this someone else is my child.
Because I am what I am thinking about me when I stay alone with my conscience. And I am not the one what others think about me. Because everybody is responsive for his own life and own behavior. Because nobody owes to me, nor I owe to anybody. All people are “partners” with equal rights and they cooperate as independent individuals. In psychology, this is called an “assertive” behavior, which avoids the two extremes: the status of the victim and the aggressor.
When a man speaks, communicates or writes, he conveys information first of all about him, his feelings, life experience, and world outlook. Accomplished people are able to express their thoughts in a way that they do not offend any person, and do not cause any negative emotions with anybody. The unaccomplished people, on the contrary, when contacting, their goal is to “transmit” their negative emotions into the atmosphere and they pursue the goal to “tear off someone’s mask” and to “teach him a thing or two.”
In Armenia (perhaps throughout the East), it is accepted for the people to tell about themselves by whimpering or complaining. In fact, it was also the case in the previous, communist society, hence, the “regime” and the economic situation particularly have nothing to do with it. “But how can I be better in this country” – this is the foundation of our domestic philosophy. This compassion towards your dear person, the “comfortable” situation of a victim implies a complete lack of responsibility and, accordingly, an aggression against all those people, who, in the opinion of the “victim”, are directly or indirectly responsible for his situation. And the range of such “responsible ones” is enormous, starting from your mate and ending with the first figure of the country. So, if someone tell you “a couple of sweet words,” then it is very likely to be an aggressive expression “whimpering”.
At the end, I would like to cite an extract from “our compatriot” Edmond Rostand’s famous “heroic comedy”, “De Valvert, scoundrel, rascal, stupid flat-footed fool! Cyrano, “Ah, how many titles you have, and I am de Bergerac.”
Aram ABRAHAMYAN
“Aravot” daily
