This is the key to the solution of many psychological problems
In my workplace, I communicate more with people who are unhappy with something or complaint about something. “Why have I appeared in this situation? Do I deserve this?,” this is usually the meaning of their complaints. How can I help these people except for reproducing their complaint? To answer this question, first of all, let’s take the extreme cases that are of narrow “social” significance.
Suppose (God forbid!) you have lost your dear person and ask these questions. But it will not make you dear person to come back. And you probably should answer two different questions. 1/ Are you going to live after this blow? 2/ Are there live people whom you have something to give? Apparently, the majority of healthy people will respond positively to this question. Well, then, it is necessary to focus not on the sad past or obscure future but on the present and do something here and now.
Similarly, if you (once again, God give health to everyone) are fatally ill. I have read many inspiring stories, when people in this extreme situation, instead of giving this meaningless question of “why did it happen?”, have helped the people in their situation to overcome the mental and physical pain. Some people by helping others have lived a long life.
But even if it had not happened, anyway, they have not spent the time given to them by God meaninglessly. Because they are focused on the present moment and did what they had to do. But these two cases: the deep grief and physical problems, should become the subject of discussion and concern by psychologists. Unfortunately, the need for such psychological consultancy is great, hence, there are not many specialists.
People naturally address me on “social” matters (I am putting this word in quotation marks, as my mentioned previous problems, as well as generally everything related to a man actually carries a social nature). If we briefly formulate this “subsection” of the complaints, then its meaning can be formulated as follows: “My expectations of this life are not fulfilled.” A man, for instance, plans to become a businessman, have villas and luxurious cars, or has all of this in “Russia” or during the Communist times, but now he is unemployed or is working in the sphere of service, or is a driver. Certainly, those who have these villas and cars are to be blamed, because they do not deserve it but I do. Consequently, they have taken away all this from me. “As if they are living in spite of me”, often you hear this phrase, don’t you?
Firstly, if there is great desire to delve into this question as to “why I am in this situation,” then there is a point also to ask, “Am I indeed the genius and the saint that should have all of this mandatorily?” According to the Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl, “people are trying to justify the weakness of their own character by the shortcomings of biography.” Frankl, let me remind you, was providing psychiatric care to the Nazi concentration camp inmates, being just the same inmate. He was not spending time on the question “why did it happen to him?”
I would also suggest not to divulge into the past and own unfulfilled dreams and again, do what is destined for us here and now, do it possibly well, with smiling and singing. And in that case, “disasters” in quotation marks that are shed over our heads will become just a “brain crushing”.
The base of this “crushing” underlies the following psychological, I would even say, the philosophical error. We identify our “I” with a “businessman”, “journalist”, “driver” and a “WC cleaner”. Meanwhile, our “I” is too big and powerful, and it will not be increased or reduced by a villa or a car.
In short, I suggest loving what we are doing and devote free time to things that we really love. For me, it is the music. Well, did you know that I have worked all my life as a journalist?
Aram ABRAHAMYAN,
Aravot daily
