U.S. President Trump was genuinely outraged that Norway had not awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize, apparently assuming that the fate of the prize is decided by the Norwegian government. In reality, the decision is made by the Norwegian Nobel Committee, whose members are appointed by the Norwegian parliament. In an agitated letter to Norway’s prime minister, Trump threatened to stop engaging in peace-making altogether, in retaliation for what he saw as ingratitude. He believes he has stopped eight wars, including the one between Armenia and Azerbaijan—although the names of those two countries do not seem to have registered very firmly in his memory.
The leaders of Armenia and Azerbaijan—Aliyev and “that other guy”—also believe that Trump fully deserved the prize. Both of them, too, consider themselves “great peacemakers.” Not quite as great as Trump, of course. That is why they have settled for the more modest Zayed Award for Human Fraternity. Indeed, Pashinyan and Aliyev have suffered greatly in the cause of peace. One launched an attack on Artsakh, ethnically cleansed it, is now destroying Armenian cultural heritage there, and is keeping Artsakh’s leaders in prison. The other drove the situation to war, suffered a humiliating defeat, lost at least 4,000 people, and is now fulfilling all of Aliyev’s demands. In short, a true “Zayed”—which, translated from Arabic, means “abundant,” “prosperous,” “flourishing.”
Pashinyan, therefore, is morally satisfied. But surely he was not making peace all by himself? He did it together with the entire Civil Contract party, with the whole senior bureaucracy of Armenia. You cannot give everyone a “Zayed,” but you can give each of them a bonus of 7–8 million drams.
That is also compensation for the work-related stress endured by our glorious officials. Stress, as we know, makes people lose weight. Bonuses make up for the lost calories.
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Aram ABRAHAMYAN
